David Vargas

About

How much of this are the children actually noticing? That question sits underneath a lot of what gets discussed here, usually asked quietly and with some dread attached to it. The honest answer is that they notice more than you hope and less than you fear, and that what matters most is not whether there is conflict but what they see happen afterwards. Co-parenting arrangements that work are rarely friendly; they are simply predictable and free of the children being used as messengers. We work toward predictable rather than friendly, which is a far more achievable target. My years in hospital and intensive outpatient care left me comfortable with difficult family situations and disinclined to moralize about them. I am not here to judge how you got here. If that question has been sitting with you, get in touch. Predictability is something you can build on your own side regardless of what the other adult does.