Valeria Perez

About

The idea I would most like to correct is that there is a right amount of talking about the person who died. Some people are told they dwell on it and others are told they never mention it, and both groups arrive here slightly defensive about their own approach. There is no correct volume. Losing someone leaves you with a set of memories that need somewhere to go, and whether that happens constantly or rarely says nothing about how well you are managing. We work at whatever frequency suits you rather than at the one your family has settled on. Some people talk about the person every week for a year and others mention them twice in six months. Before this I held nonprofit and social-work adjacent posts, where I watched families quietly police each other's grieving without ever intending to. It happens in almost every household. If someone has commented on how much you talk about them, that comment was not a diagnosis.