James Collins

About

There is a single fact I try to convey early: the goal is not to avoid getting it wrong. The goal is to repair afterwards, reliably and without excessive ceremony, because that is what actually builds security in a child. Raising children well has far more to do with recovery than with perfection, which is a real relief to most people who hear it. We work on the repair, on noticing sooner, and on letting go of the idea that a single bad afternoon has done permanent damage. It almost never has. I practiced in group settings for a long time before working alone, and the most useful hour was always the one where someone admitted the thing they thought was unforgivable and discovered that everyone else in the room had done it too. If you are carrying one of those, bring it here. Repair is the skill, and it is entirely learnable.