Emily Iyer

About

The idea I would most like to dispel is that coming here is a last resort before things end. Most of the people I see are nowhere near that point; they have simply noticed something drifting and decided to deal with it while it is still small. Couples who arrive early do a lot better than those who arrive at the end, which is unsurprising and yet almost nobody acts on it. Early problems are specific and reversible. Late ones involve years of accumulated evidence that each person has assembled about the other, and that takes a lot longer to dismantle. Caregiving surrounded me growing up, which left me with a strong preference for dealing with things before they become emergencies. That preference shapes how I work. If something has been drifting, this is the right time rather than too soon. Early is not premature, whatever you may have been told about it.