Kamau Miller

About

I believe this work succeeds when both people stop arguing about who is right and start looking at what the two of them do together. The content of the argument is rarely the problem. The choreography is. A relationship in difficulty is usually running a small number of predictable loops, and the same three or four disagreements are being had repeatedly in different costumes. We identify the loops first. Then we work on the specific moves that keep them going, which is far more tractable than trying to resolve every individual dispute on its merits. I keep my caseload deliberately small, because this work depends on my remembering the specifics of your particular loops rather than a general theory. Detail matters more than doctrine. If you are having the same argument in different clothes, get in touch. Most are surprised how few loops there turn out to be once someone counts them.