Darius Achebe

About

A moment I have seen more times than I can count: someone apologizes for crying, reaches for the tissues, and then apologizes again for taking up the time. They do this in an hour they have booked and paid for specifically in order to cry. That reflex is worth examining. Mourning gets treated by almost everybody as an imposition on other people, which is why so many people conduct it alone in cars and bathrooms rather than anywhere comfortable. There is nothing to apologize for in here, and I will say so as often as it takes. Eventually most people stop apologizing, and that alone is a change worth having. Alongside my practice I supervise newer clinicians, and I often have to point out that accepting the apology politely reinforces the very thing we are trying to undo. If you have been apologizing for your own feelings, you can stop doing that here.