Lily Kim

About

Is this normal, or is this a problem? That is the question I am asked most, usually with genuine uncertainty, because nobody gets to see the inside of anyone else's household for comparison. Partners have almost no reliable reference points, which is why people spend years wondering whether what they are experiencing is ordinary friction or something that needs attention. I can usually answer that question fairly quickly, and the answer is often reassuring. When it is not reassuring, knowing sooner is still a lot better than knowing later. I trained as a researcher before moving into this room, and I still like a question that can actually be answered. That one usually can be. If you have been wondering quietly, come and ask it out loud. Uncertainty on its own is tiring, and it is worth resolving even when the answer is that nothing is wrong. Most of the time that is the answer.